This Sunday my daughter Triziah had a performance in church and for that I also went to share this experience with her. While I was singing those nice songs about the love of God, my eyes got wet like every time when I sit in church. Today I decide to have a look into that. It’s not that I am sad or aware of any thoughts connected to those tears so this will be interesting I believe.
It starts off with the invitation in the 8th bridge, first gift. The gift of loving to be alone. My invitation here is: “I am open to feel all that surfaces when I am with no destruction and be with it. “ First thing that draws my attention is that I need four times to look into my book in order write this sentence. I seem not to be able to get it into my head. Those ones are always the best, where we directly have resistance to know them. Now I really get curious. My illusion is: “I keep myself busy all day so that I will not hear what my gift is telling me. The more it calls, the more I keep myself busy. “
I actually like to meditate so for what stands church that I don’t dare to listen to my gift?Here it stands for the community of my village not for religion. I ask some questions to my higher consciousness and find out that when I am in church, the doing energy of my village changes into being energy and also I stop being in my doing energy that I mainly live when I am with the community or with my family. The tears represent a deep desire that I could really have a connection with my roots beyond the doing while being psychically together with them.
My invitation is to feel that desire fully and to allow the pain and the power of hopelessness fully. No longer to suppress my desire because it’s not happening and is perhaps never going to happen in my lifetime. To fully make space for this deep wish and allow it to be there with no expectations. I can have it when I meditate and connect with them, but not when we are physically together.
My main illusion here is: An unfulfilled desire is something to avoid because it only hurts because I think it will never happen.
The main invitation here is to go beyond the perception of time and to know that in our evolution we all will go into that direction, perhaps not in the body we carry now, but we will live like that. Now I think I understand the meaning of paradise after death that the church promises us, the Promised Land. To live now to the best of my possibilities, as I call it to live life to the fullest.
To connect and enjoy this truth of the Promised Land without having it. But knowing that it will come ─ it will come unconditionally, not only if you behave as others (church, community, family, yourself etc.) expects you to behave.
Now I can see more situations and people in my life where I suppress my desire that I have, or where I cling to my desire and make it a burden and frustration to all involved.
I feel that this makes me happy and light. The illusion of time has been lifted. Something that I knew in my head has sunk into my being. We all will sing “songs” of joy, connection and love together in physical form…..in this life or perhaps another life.
I wish you to dare to desire unconditionally with all your heart,
Much love Karin