This weekend I got heavily attacked!
Out of nowhere on Saturday evening, very strong emotions took me into their grip. An intense sadness and hopelessness with lots of tears and the only savior was a big pack of tissues rescuing me. This raid lasted for some hours and only in the early morning hours I finally fell asleep. Reason enough to find out to what this inner event likes to invite me to.
I reconnected with the pain, this time able to stay conscious while connecting. When emotions take us fully over (like Saturday night) it’s like a child alone and no mom/dad or anybody to help us around. It intensifies the emotion because it then gets accompanied by helplessness (nobody around) and hopelessness (a small child has no time consciousness so everything that happens will last forever).
Now a part of me stayed conscious and that part invited the emotions to come and to speak. It’s like an adult is now around to take care. Adult behavior is not that we control or project our emotions, but that we make space for them. If we allow ourselves to be with them the emotion can transform into its strength which is always a big gift to our human nature, the energy we live here on earth.
Long story short: the emotion was lovelessness. I know that this is not a common word, but it exactly expresses a very normal emotion experienced or deeply suppress by (almost) all humans. It’s the experience of the lack of conditional love. Conditional love are forms of attention like understanding, encouragement, care, comfort etc. There are 12 different ones. The ones I mentioned were the ones I was lacking when I was a child. Those are basic emotional needs with practical actions like being held, talked to, listen to etc. Each child needs those forms of attention in order to develop social and emotional intelligence. When we are babies, we need them for our survival just like the physical needs like warmth and food. Without those emotional and physical needs the child will die. As an adult we still behave as if it is a matter of life and death (like I did on Saturday evening J ) yet it’s not at all dangerous to any adult, nobody dies on an emotional need.
I was invited to accept that I don’t need them anymore and if I feel that encouragement is needed or I need someone to understand me…….I can look for the right person to get it, or like me I love to pray and to surrender myself to the caring love of my higher consciousness, which is that adult voice in my head that I talked about earlier.
But I was not only invited to see my illusion that I still need those expression of love and that my fear of lovelessness has no foundation, I got also the invitation to let go of any expectation and hope to get it from my family. To respect their way of living life. If they have had the capacity to give it to me, they would have given it when I was small. They were unable then and are unable now. They have many other qualities but not those ones.
It’s like going to the butchery and being disappointed that they don’t sell veggies. Veggies are very healthy and good. But a butcher is a butcher and it would not be good for him to wanting to be someone else. He lives his nature by selling meat. It’s me who is ignorant to still wanting to buy my veggies there.
So I decided to let go of that expectation. Here the emotion of hopelessness comes into power. I allowed the hopelessness to be fully absorbed into every little cell of my body. It was quite a struggle, much in me did not want to give up. But with a little help of my adult helper in me, my higher consciousness, I finally were able to let go a big part. And I feel now much freer. I also know that I did not yet manage to let go fully ─ but I know life will help me by invitation when it’s time to unpack another gift and to experience another upgrade of myself.
For the ones that are curious of the list of the 12 basic needs we mistakenly still long for on the level of survival and some more explanations about it and how you can recognize the ones you missed, just let me know in a comment down and I will send it to you.
Much love Karin